As I remember...

God gives grace for every assignment and strengthens those who are weak, I have heard these words frequently but hadn't grasped their full meaning.
Today is one of those days when I am thinking of my son who was born sleeping on the 28
th August in 2008, its amazing how much strength a human being has and one can never see that until one is put in a situation that calls for it.

Feelings of pain and grief well up inside of me and tears fill my eyes as I think of him as if it all happened just yesterday. I am reminded of how everyone in the family was excited and looking forward to his coming, the son and brother we all so longed for and had waited for ,but God had other plans for the family. I remember too how one Saturday morning I woke up and took a walk to Florida lake to do my devotions and exercises, As I was worshipping and meditating on God He put a song in my heart based on Psalm 46 that says even though the mountains fall I will stand in the power of His hand and I wil dwell in His heart of hearts. He also brought the scripture in Isaiah that says “Fear not for I am with you even though you pass through the waters they will not overwhelm you and if you pass through the fire it will not kindle upon you.”(paraphrased). As I thought over that afterwards I realized God had been preparing me for what was ahead, and was reassuring me that even though I may pass through dark times yet I am always in His heart, as He has loved me with an everlasting love. I remember too how one Sunday, almost a year later, I rendered an item in church, a song by a well-known gospel singer, the song basically says Lord take me , mould me and use me, as I give my life to the potter’s hand, that very week I had a miscarriage which tore my heart and my family’s heart apart as we were still trying to heal less than a year after Melchiel’s passing. While all of this was happening I could not understand why I felt such a strong presence of God that moves me to tears but afterwards as I looked back I realized it was because God was strengthening me and showing me what to come and saying “Fear not for I am with you”.

So today as I remember my beautiful som whom I never got ot hold or to kiss or play with I am also reminded of the love of God which surpasses understanding and which strengthens me in my weakest moment. I am reminded of how good God is, I do not presume to understand how He works but I know He always works everything for my good, even though it seems my life si falling apart. I may not understand why such things happen and why it happen to happen to me but one thing I know is He is holding me in the palm of His hand and had promised never to leave me nor forsake me. I may feel discouraged and sad, lonely and hopeless but He remains the lover of my soul and the hope of Glory.

You may be down and out and feel He has forgotten, but know that He holds you in the palm of his hand and will never let you go. He remains faithful even when we lose faith in Him.

The ball is in your court

It has been quite a while but I am happy to be sharing my thoughts with you folks as always. Thinking about the coming Women's Day makes me realise the huge responsibility placed upon me as an individual and on us as adults by God to guide the next generation so they can also live a full life on earth. Each of us has been given potentials and abilities, some hidden while some are evident to all, our duty is to utilize them to the maximum in serving humanity and God. The challenge each of us has is to discover what exactly is our purpose amidst the myriad of giftings we have. You see I have realised that God doesn't give just one gift to one person, but He places a number of choices within you so that you can be able to survive in any given situation. When it comes to your purpose though you need to realise that you cannot do everything so you need to hone one skill that will define you and help you in achieving your destiny. There is a saying that a Jack of all trades is a master of none, this means you can be very good , even exceptional in all you do but your identity comes from one thing that you do better than all else. So one needs to identify and focus on the one thing you feel is your purpose. Offcourse that means spending time sometimes trying out all else and by elimination find out which one is really you so to speak. I remember when I was younger I used to boast of being able to do all handcrafts namely sewing, knitting and embroidery, but because of my ignorance I never focussed my energies on a particular and I almost but lost them. As I have grown I have learnt offcourse and am now purposeful, whatever does not work has to take a back seat,otherwise one risks being a rolling stone that gathers no moss. Offcourse there basic skills that everyone needs in life what I'm talking about is honing the skill to become part of you. In all this I am not discrediting the role of the Father God in shaping and guiding a person's life, because I believe He is everpresent in our lives and always at work in us to will and to do His good pleasure. Amen

Do I really know you...

The recent and sudden passing of a close collegue left me with more questions than answers as well as a deep sadness of knowing that there is more like him among us. You see he was the kind of person who knew and was known by everybody on the floor and I'm sure in the other departments as well. He made it his business to playfully annoy people, and however hard you tried you could not ignore him, and his antics always cheered people up and made most feel better. I remember when I had suffered a loss some two years, when I got back to work he was one of the few people who came and sat with me and offered not just condolences but some advice on how to deal with the pain etc. And now to hear that he took his own life is unimaginable, because he was the kind of person you would expect to be able to deal with problems differently. As we sat and talked about how he had impacted our lives at work I couldn't help but wonder if we knew him at all, and how much did he really show os, the world. And that brings me back to the masks, sometimes we wear these masks so well it becomes difficult to separate our identity from them. Or just because people around have perceived me to be a certain way it becomes difficult for me to reveal my true self. In this case of my colleague I would guess that as we had known him as the jovial, jokster it became hard for him to be able to open up and say when he was hurting. Sometimes life casts us into a mould and we become afraid of getting out and disappointing those who know us as such, we end up developing double lives.
I am not in any way attempting to explain the psychology of suicide nor am I purporting to understand complex human behaviour and relationships. All I'm saying is sometimes the people around us,whom we interact with regularly may find themselves forced to be something they really are not in order to fit societal expectations. We too may find ourselves being pressured into behaving in a certain to please those around us, but the best one can do is to be themselves, because after all how much do I really know the next person.

As I was saying

So I wrote this amazing piece to share with you guys, happily pressed the POST button, then went my way thinking all is well. It was only when a dear friend brought that to my attention that I went in to read my blog only to be met by a blank. So here am I again desperately trying to remember the major points I had highlighted, on the upside I'm sure this will be fresher than the one I lost.

Well we were driving home from work the other day with one of my girlfriends that my mind drifted again to the issue of masks and how they are so useful at times. For example in my family and marriage I find myself to be the reserved one,such that sometimes I have to endure listwning to stories for the third and fourth time. Not that I mind really but I don't normally alert the story-teller that I have heard it before, instead I usually just nod along and laugh as heartily as the day I first heard it. Now some may say that's hypocrisy but hey we all do it at some point, tell me who can honestly say they have never gone along with some crazy idea from their loved one just because they didn't want to hurt their feelings. Those of us who are parents know all too well how satisfying it is to make your child's eyes sparkle as you go along with their schemes. It may be playing horsey with dad, when dad is dog-tired and would rather plomp in front of the TV, or having to run outside and look at that beautiful butterfly while your precious dinner is about to burn. We all know as parents we always obliging because it brings joy to the child,and yes that's pretence because you would rather be doing something. This simply shows that masks are a necessity the only problem arises when one decides to make the mask their identity,that is when instead of taking off the mask when it has served its purpose one continues to adopt the behaviour as theirs permanently. An extreme example would be when one ends up being overly permissive to anyone who demands anything of them simply because one is afraid of falling out of favour. There is a time to let people have their way even if you may not like it, sometimes you just need to put on a smiling face and oblige, hence the expressing braving it. But there is also a time to put your foot down and let people know where you stand,something I am working on by the day. On a more serious note some of us have worn masks for so long that we need to relearn who we are, and that is only possible when we go to God and let Him peel off the layers of masks we have worn so the world can accept us.

Unmasking me...

Never let fear of failure or of making a fool of yourself hold you back from being who you really are. That's a line I heard from a movie recently and it got me thinking, about how we can actually hide ourselves so much so that we end up not even recognising ourselves. Yes I mean you yourself end up not knowing who you really are because you have hidden the real you under a mask. But why do we invent these masks when it is much easier to be yourself, or so it seems? Well the most plausible explanation is that it is not so easy being one's true self what with pressures from family, friends, colleagues not to mention life itself. It is therefore little wonder that most of us would pretend to be what we are not so we can fit in with the rest. Thing is as humans we were created with a sense of competition if I may call it that, that is we are all wired with a desire to excel and be the best, some more or less than others. Also society generally puts pressure on its members to conform to a certain standard, for example a man or woman in their 40s is expected to have accomplished much more than one in their 20s or 30s. You therefore find that when such standards are not met one feels like a failure and would in turn hide behind a mask to hide their low self-esteem. Some people have learnt to be super-efficient in trying to hide the pain of loss, instaed of mourning they throw themselves into their work. Most can agree that a lot of workaholics are underneath lonely and maybe suffering from a broken heart.
But why do we wear these masks for there are many different masks that people wear,some wear the mask of indifference pretending nothing touches you deeply because once you cared and got hurt. Some wear the mask of exuberance, they are always on top of the world only because they are afraid to show their emotions, admitting that they have feelings too. I believe we wear these masks so that we can be acceptable to those around us, because we think they won't accept us as we are. As I stated earlier society puts pressure on us to be superhuman so when we feel we are not performing up to par we put on a mask to hide. In short we wear masks so we can be loved, but how can I be sure anybody loves me if they don't know the real me. Food for thought brothers and sisters...

When life throws you a curveball…

What do you do when the rug is pulled from under your feet, when what you believed in is challenged by life’s storms and your faith is tested? Well this is a personal question which warrants a personal answer but to take a guess I am sure they will be some who will say sometimes that is time to give in and flow with the tide.
Recent unpleasant events have left me with the bitter taste of bile in my mouth as I again questioned how life works out. Some people say bad things happen to good people and yet others say if you are good and living right before God and man your life is supposed to be a breeze through or a walk in the park. From my life’s experiences I have learnt that bad things happen to both good and bad people alike and maybe more to the good people. The psalmist in the Bible says what do the righteous do when the foundations are shaken, then he proceeds to say my soul flee like a bird to the mountains, and therein I believe lies the answer to life’s challenges.
I believe when life throws you curveballs, it’s not time to throw your hands in the air and quit the game because things are not going your way, I believe it is at that moment that you need to develop a new skill and catch those curveballs so you can throw them back . It is at that time that you need to stand up and be counted, so you can prove that you are worth your salt. There is a common saying that goes WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITERS NEVER WIN, meaning you have to stick around to the end in order to experience victory. Looking at the psalmist’s picture, fleeing to the mountains means I am looking for a vantage point from which I can launch my defence. In other words I am aware that where I am standing presently is shaky so I will look for a safe secure place and proceed to fight till I have what I desire. So in dealing with life’s blows it is sometimes necessary to take a step back and take stock of where you are presently so you will be able to ascertain if you are still playing the game right. Once you are sure of your standing then you need to start learning the rules of the game so you can fight back with knowledge because life is constantly changing and you cannot fight back if you don’t know the rules.
So instead of rolling over and playing dead I hope that you will take life by the scruff of the neck and give back what it throws at you, because there is no victory without a battle. Till next time good people aluta continua; the struggle continues and so does the winning. Blessings.

If wishes were horses

Being an avid movie fanatic I noticed something interesting about most Christmas movies, or just movies which normally show around the festive season or silly season as some call it. Mostly the storyline revolves around someone or “someones” who wishes their life was different in better way from what it currently is, mostly the main character will be looking for more money hence more possessions or to be more good-looking and sexy as these are the yardsticks we have used to measure our success in life, or a better spouse/partner or even family. But after their wish is granted you find them unhappy with the new scenario leading to them wanting to undo the wish so they could have their old life back. I am sure if we were to be honest with ourselves we would also agree that sometimes we also find ourselves having such wishes, wishing that our lives can be transformed at the click of a button or the waving of a magic wand to become better and maybe more or less exciting. But what exactly is the better life that we all strive for, I wondered, as I watched one after another such movie, and is it really worth the pain and effort. Is it to be better than the next person as the saying goes, to keep up with the Joneses, or is it to have more of everything we have now? I do not have an answer but if anything, I have learnt that bigger is not necessarily better, and neither is more, so instead of striving for bigger and more I personally believe we should be looking for quality of life. Quality of life is simply the knowledge that your inner person is at peace and knowing that you have people you love and who love you in return. As sociology says man is a gregarious animal, meaning he is a social being, one cannot exist entirely without fulfilling relationships. This off course does not mean we should abandon ourselves entirely to pursuing quality at the expense of quantity but it simply means we must learn to reach a balance in our lives. One must learn to pursue betterment of their lives both in quality and quantity; otherwise we will always be striving to be like the next person, not knowing how their lives are to them. The grass is always greener on the other side till you get there and see the water bill as people say, and all that glitters is not gold. In other words what might look attractive and appealing from a distance might actually be a cloak covering a lot of discontent or loneliness once you get closer. So instead of spending sleepless night in pursuit of what we think is the better thing we need to take time and count the cost, that is we need to question if it is to our best interests or to our detriment. Because most of the time we get caught up in chasing something without even realising that what we have is actually the best we can have at that moment. And I am sure most will agree that no-one likes the kind of success that leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth, success outwardly yet inwardly you are empty.

He gives grace for every assignment

As I dragged myself to bed way past my bedtime, I couldn’t help but grumble inside on why is there so much to do and only 24hours in a day, I’m sure a lot of us who are parents, spouses and hold a job will agree with me that sometimes it just seems like there isn’t enough time in the day for everything we are to do. But as I pondered on that something struck me, the fact that it is in those 24hours that we are expected to do all we have for the day, and if we miss the day then tomorrow starts on a clean slate, so what you lost yesterday cannot be recovered. I heard one preacher saying life happens in cycles or seasons, that is everything in life that happens is part of a cycle, so if you miss your timing in the cycle life will have to go full cycle before you can get that chance again. So in those 24 hours that we each get as each day dawns there is enough time to fulfil the purpose God has for us for that day, what I mean is your life purpose can be divided into bite-sized portions called ‘a day’, so in each day one has the potential to fulfil the part of one’s purpose that can fit into those 24hours one has. On the flip side it means if you miss doing what you need to do in the 24hours you have today, tomorrow you have double the job to fulfil, and if it’s too much you will find that you will be trailing behind in your fulfilment of your life’s purpose. Fortunately it’s not a competition as each of us has a unique purpose which is peculiar to each and every single one of us, so if you miss a day there is no outside pressure as only you can do what you have to do the way you do it. The only pressure would be from within, the knowledge that you could be far in what you were born to do but because of procrastination or outside influences you find yourself still at starting point. God however is gracious and gives us second, third and so forth chances as we fall and miss the mark, sometimes going in the wrong direction altogether, He stays close to us and encourages us to get up and back on track as His purposes in us are eternal.