Hello there, I just want to take a second to appreciate how y'all are so patient with my erratic appearance in the blogspace. Life is hectic and sometimes I really do not have the time to pause and share some thoughts with the world. I found a breathing space today though and so here goes😊
So yesterday marked my 8th week in England, yes I've moved halfway across the world in search of, ahem! greener pastures and breathing space after my life folded before my eyes. For a very long time I held on too tightly to a life that was hurting me by the day. I was physically unwell, my body was keeping score of all my mental and emotional turmoil and could not keep up with the lies I told myself. At the same time, I found myself becoming more and more a shadow of who I knew myself to be, such that eventually I was just a shell of a woman, easily blown by any wind. This all sounds so depressing and stuff so I'm just going to save you the gory details and move on. One day I will share the whole sordid details in the hope that it helps someone else who wants to break out a self-defeating thought pattern and way of life.
Anywho so here I am in England, in South Yorkshire to be exact, trying to find my bearings and chart a new course for my life. As the song says, I may be up in the cold thin air, having left a whole life behind, but I can breathe because my relief overweighs my grief. As I was preparing to leave and when I eventually got on that flight leaving everything and everyone I hold dear, I received quite a bit of advice, but one that frequently comes to mind is this, and I'm going to quote it verbatim. 'Good thing about starting over in a new country is that you don't have the weight of expectations. You have to allow yourself to enjoy the experience. Don't be your own worst critic.' That made me think of how most expectations are actually self-imposed. Because we want so much to be something to others, we put that weight on ourselves and see it as their expectation of us. From then on we walk around with a sense of obligation because we think others are expecting a lot from us. What would happen if we honestly took a good look at ourselves and what we CAN do, and offered that lovingly to others? Wouldn't that ease the burden of expectations we place on ourselves, and help silence those accusing voices that say "you aren't doing enough"!
So as I start this year and this next chapter of my life I am going to relax and allow myself to enjoy every bit of this roller coaster ride. I am throwing away the weight of expectations, especially the ones I put on myself, and allowing myself to just be, to rediscover what it is to navigate life without a map.
How has been your start to this year? As we are still coming to terms with life after the pandemic, or still navigating its effects, how has your life changed? What do you find to be your coping mechanism for life's harsh moments? I pray you find the joy you seek and the courage to chase the life you want! Here's to a courageous 2023 💣💥Thank you for being part of this world at this point in time.
Yours truly💓
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